Scientific Fitness According to the Discipl
- cheezmeeza
- Aug 18, 2025
- 2 min read
A view of the James Webb telescope drifting through space.
The camera tilts down… into a classroom.
Female Disciple is standing at the blackboard.
Female Disciple:
Scientific findings have proven that bodybuilding is bad for women! It’s ugly, it’s shameful, it’s inappropriate! Women doing bodybuilding even harms men — scientists discovered that female muscles emit a radiation that causes premature aging in men!
(On the blackboard: a drawing of a woman lifting dumbbells. A disciple watches her, then suddenly turns old with a cane and paperwork in hand.)
Female Disciple:
A woman should be like you all — gentle, delicate, cute and sweet, tiny and dainty and oh-so-lovely!
(The camera pans to the students… we see they’re all hideous and overweight.)
Student Disciple:
Teacher, excuse me? What if our husbands actually like muscular women? Then we’d have to go to the gym, right?
Here, the Female Disciple’s voice dubs over that famous angry teacher meme:
Female Disciple (dubbed): Don’t talk! Can’t you shut your mouth? You came late, don’t expect to leave early!
Student Disciple 2:
But teacher, she’s right… My husband says I’m way too flabby, he wants me to look like Kim Kardashian!
Female Disciple:
Listen carefully! We have a scientific solution for everything! Lesson two — bodybuilding at home! Without ever stepping outside, build the body your husband wants!
(The students start taking notes eagerly.)
Female Disciple:
— Bicep curls with your baby: three sets of eight!
(On the board: a woman using her child as a dumbbell.)
— Shoulder press with two kids: three sets of twelve!
(She lifts two children above her head.)
— For husbands who are Jennifer Lopez fans: squats with a laundry tub, four sets of eight!
(A woman squats with a basket of clothes, butt sticking out.)
— When hanging up hubby’s dirty laundry, don’t forget your stretches!
(She rises on tiptoe, reaching arms out as she pins clothes to a line.)
— And for strengthening thighs and hamstrings: use your own husband! Husband press, three to five reps.
(The teacher lies on the floor, pressing her husband up and down with her legs.)
Female Disciple:
But be careful! That one’s heavy — risk of injury. Warm up first: put your baby on your legs and sing three sets of lullabies, eight reps each. The baby falls asleep, and your muscles are warmed up too!
(We see her rocking the baby on her shins like a workout move.)
Female Disciple:
That’s exactly how I became a three-time gold medal champion in women’s bodybuilding!
Cut to: a bodybuilding competition stage. The Female Disciple (the teacher) appears without her veil — her body is ridiculously muscular. She strikes a proud bodybuilding pose, grinning like a pro. In the hall, Salar Aghili’s voice booms over the speakers.
Zoom in: around her head, the buzzing flies also look buff, pumping tiny dumbbells in sync!
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